"Poop Don't Jump"

"Here's the Scoop on Poop"

"If you extend your leachfield, you extend your problem
If you expand your septic tank, you SOLVE your problem"

Poopie Classification

Ghost Poopie - The kind where you feel the poop come out, but there is no poop in the toilet.

Clean Poopie - The kind where you poop it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.

Wet Poopie - The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and underwear so you won't ruin them with a skid mark.

Second Wave Poopie - This happens when you're done Pooping and you've pulled up your pants to your knees, and you realize that you have to Poop some more.

Pop-A-Vein-In-Your-Forehead-Poopie - The kind where you strain so much to get it out, you practically have a stroke.

Gassy Poopie - It's so noisy, everyone within earshot is laughing.

Drinker Poopie - The kind of Poop you have the morning after a long night of drinking. Its most noticeable trait is the skid marks on the bottom of the toilet.

Lincoln Log Poopie - The kind of Poop that is so huge you're afraid to flush without first breaking it into little pieces with the toilet brush.

Corn Poopie - Self-explanatory.

*Gee-I-Wish-I-Could-Poopie Poopie - The kind where you want to Poop but all you do is sit on the toilet and fart a few times.

Spinal Tap Poopie - That's where it hurts so bad coming out, you would swear it was leaving you sideways.

Wet Cheeks Poopie (The Power Dump) - The kind that comes out of your butt so fast, your butt gets splashed with water.

**Liquid Poopie - The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out your butt and splashes all over the toilet bowl.

Mexican Poopie - It smells so bad your nose burns.

The Surprise Poopie - You're not even at the toilet because you are sure you're about to fart, but oops.......a Poop!!!

The Dangling Poopie - This Poop refuses to drop into the toilet even though you know you are done Pooping it. You just pray that a shake or two will cut it loose.

Fishermen's Bobber Poopie - That's the kind where you are in a public restroom, there are two people waiting for your stall, you poop and flush two times, but several golf ball size pieces are still floating above the water line.

Richard Simmons Poopie - You poop so much you lose 30 pounds.

*Also known as the Wizard of Oz Poopie where all that comes out are a couple of munchkins and some music.

**This is different from the Applejuice Poopie which leaves the system in the exact same form it went into the mouth.